Summer break has begun.
It’s only been one day. Yet I sit here and wonder how I’ll get through nearly three months with the kids. Don’t get me wrong I love these kids more than anything. But today started off with the two of them quibbling over how to properly prepare a frozen waffle.
So of course they had to wake me up several times over how to cut it, and what to put on it. Now the 15 yr old knows better. But my dear nearly 7 yr old was being a pain in the ass. No two ways of saying it.
The unspoken rule is not to wake me up before 9 on weekends and days off. I’m no slacker, but I don’t sleep well on a normal basis.
Add a mammoth storm overnight and I spend half the night fretting over whether or not my soffit is going to fall off my house(yes, this STILL isn’t fixed). So I sleep horribly. C usually gets up with E and helps her with breakfast and gives her cartoons until I get up. Today however was the day they decided every ten minutes would be a great time to come up and irritate mom. Therefore my already sleepless self was beyond shaky all day.
Add an aborted attempt to go to the Y. We made it there but we arrived and E decided her stomach hurt suddenly and she couldn’t stay.
We went home and well, I felt under the weather with my eyes coming and going. We spent the day taking care of normal business. Then as the day went on I felt worse. No energy. Weaker than normal. I finally told J I was ordering out dinner. I was supposed to take C to the library for a volunteer orientation session. I was exhausted and cranky when we left. I knew it wasn’t the best time for me to drive but I had no choice.
I can’t even explain what happened next. I feel like I was there but “not there”. We were talking about E’s having a fit as we pulled out. My eyes were blurry but they went from blurry to flashes to not there. But I was halfway down the driveway. I heard the noises and that’s when I knew something was wrong. J’s car was in the driveway and I just ran into it.
The realization combined with the issues with my eyes hitting me was a nasty combination. At this same time my arms were shaking. I had seizures as a kid so I briefly thought that was what was happening. My son was freaked out and all I could say was “go in get him something’s wrong maybe seizure”. He didn’t know what to say so he gathered J ASAP. He ran out and I remember that when he came out my left arm was tremoring so bad it was whacking the steering wheel like mad. I couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t get me out of the car at first.
Once we came inside I realized I hit his car. Knowing how much he loved his car I panicked. He said it was scratched up but it was OK. It took some time trying to get the kids to understand I was ok.
Trying to explain this illness to them, how it’s progressed for me in the last couple of years, and what I’m going through is next to impossible. Especially when it concerns my youngest. She still doesn’t understand what’s happening with Mom. And why there are many days Mom can’t do what she wants her to do.
Eventually I called my mother who my son apparently had already called to freak out to about what happened. Long story short she volunteered to take the kids for the night. So J took the kids over to her house and this gave me time to think and rest.
I know that part of my problem is that I don’t sleep well. I never have.
However lately it’s been horrendous. I toss and turn with so many thoughts running through my head.
I do know that I’m lucky. That my kids are ok. And that despite the fact that I just whacked the hell out of his passenger side, my husband still loves me. Faults and all. Because when he came into my life I had many. And for his staying with me all these years I’m thankful.