Come what May

April was a positively horrendous month, I think we can all agree on that one. It seemed as if the universe had been in crisis mode from beginning to end. Disasters, traumas, and a lot of wonderful people passed away. I don’t know about you but I’m glad it’s over and I was hoping May would be better.

So far it’s not bad. The weather has at least improved. We’re now seeing more sun and it’s in the 70’s. However the rain and snow of March & April destroyed the soffit on my house. Or rather a costly mistake made by the installers of our new gutters a year and a half ago destroyed them. The front of our house is falling apart & off. I’m not kidding. It’s an eyesore, and birds are building a nest in the hole. Why yes, we are working with someone to fix it. It’s been a whirlwind of construction suggestions( a new roof, when really the roof isn’t that big of a problem right now) and insurance investigating twice saying there was nothing they would do. So that was what I did most of April. And to say it exhausted me is putting it mildly.

Each morning after heavy rains I would go outside to find even more of our soffit ripped apart and sitting on our driveway or in our yard. The nights we would have these rains I would barely sleep because as it thundered hard enough to shake our house all I could imagine was that the whole thing would be on top of my husband’s car in the driveway the next day. Thankfully that never happened. However, it left me sleepless one too many nights.

We’re still waiting to get this fixed, the construction gentleman did our siding over a year ago and he’s promised us the gutter people will be paying to have all the repairs done to the soffit. I’m holding him to this. I just want this fixed before the rotting worsens and the whole front truly DOES fall down.

Now on top of all this, that pesky little MS problem is still here. I keep trying to will it away and I was doing alright for a while. The only problem is that the flare is still going. It’s the longest flare I’ve ever experienced. Whenever I get remotely worked up or stressed out two things occur: 1) my hand and arm tremors something fierce 2) One or both of my eye muscles pull down and I can’t see properly.

When #2 happens it sends my body into panic mode. Add to the fact that this has happened while driving exacerbates the whole situation. My brain goes into overload sending my body onto a crash course of “I don’t want to work anymore”. Sadly it’s happening at least once a week now. Which is why I’m hesitant to drive just about anywhere that isn’t within a few blocks of my house.

I was having a problem nailing down a day to start the Copaxone. It seemed as if every weekend had something going on not to mention school winding down for the kids with many different end of school activities. I’ve been conflicted. I don’t know what the side effects will hold as they vary from person to person. I just remember my horrible experience with Avonex.

Yet after it happened again this week, and the increasing exhaustion & depression-a depression unlike anything I’ve felt before, it’s more my anger at all of this and feeling limited- I decided that I need to start them. Also my mother more or less hounds me on a regular basis that I’m hurting myself by not starting them.

I’m starting them in a week. I don’t know what else to do anymore. I don’t know if they’ll help, if they’ll slow down this constant feeling of my body & life being out of whack. It’s worth a try.

So I’m canceling May. I’m not committing to anything and I need to take a break from decisions. In fact if I could get someone to clean my house & sort through the kid’s toys then my life would be peachy.

In lighter news: I’m a redhead again. And I could not be happier. Though I wouldn’t mind being even more red.

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