Two days ago I was driving through my town, and stopped in front of me was a car with this bumper sticker on it. I started laughing hysterically in the car leaving both of my children to wonder what in the world was wrong with their mother.
All my life I’ve either been very early to the party or very late. This time around I received the invitation, I inspected it, threw it aside because I was busy, and then once I got to the party extremely late realized why it was so incredibly fun.
This is my analogy of me and Doctor Who. I’m that person. That person who knew of it, saw a couple episodes here and there but never gave it a chance due to other commitments.
Then I was bored one day, flipped on Netflix and said screw it, I’m going to watch it. So I started with the reboot of 2005 with the 9th Doctor. Its stars were Christopher Eccleston, who sadly I can only equate with Jude in which he starred in with Kate Winslet years ago, which disturbed me immensely at the time. And Billie Piper, who having seen her on Diary of Call Girl on Showtime a couple of years ago, I’m very happy she has since fired her stylist post Doctor Who.
I was hooked. Immediately. There was no feeling it out like often there is with certain shows, first episode in I was beyond excitable. Now I’m just at the tail end of this season. A couple more episodes to go. I’ve heard so many fabulous things about the David Tennant(and especially the Matt Smith, which I’ve heard nothing but positively beautiful things about) seasons but I’m determined to stick it out and go episode to episode rather than jump ahead. Unfortunately this may take a while as I rarely have the TV to myself, or rather the time to sit watching episodes back to back. Though I suspect I will try to make the time while the kids are at school. The best part of all of this is that I have my 15 yr old hooked on the show. Makes me a proud mom.
Back in high school my friend Hollie was a huge fan of the show, I’m talking the 60’s through early 80’s version. I remember being at her house and her trying to get me to the watch the show with her. I tried but my mind was elsewhere at the time. I’m kicking myself a bit now wishing I had actually watched those episodes with her.
I’ve always been a huge fantasy/sci fi geek so this makes a whole hell of a lot of sense. I just love to pick up on things later than the average human being.
On another note, life has been a little frustrating the past week. Or rather frustrating/enlightening.
So last I wrote I was having all these issues with my MS. That won’t change, how I try to manage that I believe will. I’m trying to instill some immediate changes. One of which is thanks to the mind of my 6 yr old. She’s decided that I need to walk to her school to pick her up each day after school. I was resistant at first. My legs have awesome days where I can dance, run, and do whatever is necessary to get through the day. And then there are days they’re a bit off. It’s just the nature of the illness. I decided to give it a chance and you know what I realized? I’m stronger then I thought I was. I started walking each day this week to get her. And not just to get her, but each morning after dropping her off I would walk the dog for a little less than a mile. I know this sounds lazy to some, but if you’ve never experienced this bitch of an illness I’ll tell you right now that’s a fucking massive accomplishment to many of us MS’rs. There are some days where getting up is a milestone.
As I’ve walked each day I’ve felt better. Some of the depression and anxiety that had been taking hold the past several months seemed to let go a little. My kids are off of school for a few days due to conferences and Columbus Day. I decided to push the 6 yr old to a long bike ride(her) and walk(me). She loved it and I admit it felt amazing to put my legs out there again. She kept riding so far ahead of me, teasing me, saying ” you’re never going to catch me” that I would have to run after her. And each step I took felt better then the last.
I made a pact with her when we got home that now until it snows that unless we have bad weather I will walk to get her and we’d walk home from school.
Four years ago I did the MS walk. I was living in Oak Park at the time and the closest neighborhood to us that was doing it is the one I just happen to live in now. I remember walking about 4 miles that day. And feeling amazing. I said that day that I would do this every year until one day my legs completely fail me. Sadly there were a couple things that got in the way the last couple years, but after the hell I’ve been through with these legs this past year I didn’t realize how much I took them for granted.
So this next May I’m doing the walk again. As much of it as I can.
On the MRI front- Insurance wouldn’t approve it unless I saw the Dr. The Dr. said she’d try to fight for me but that it would be impossible since she hadn’t seen me in so long. She also went on to tell me(via phone) that she didn’t see why I wanted one considering the fact that I’m still so anti-medication. Even seeing me for an office visit would be a waste of my time.
Try to picture my facial features at this time because let me tell you I was sucking my cheeks in and my eyes were bugging out of my head. I was a bit pissed off. I mean I am allowed to come in for a long overdue checkup as a patient am I not correct? There’s no need to make me feel like something less than.
I was angry but said fine, we’d discuss them. I made the appointment. And then made the MRI appointment for a few days following.
Then things came up this week. So I had to cancel them. And the reality is, she’s right. I’m not going to go on any of the ABC drugs or any of the new ones such as Tysabri or Rebif. I don’t dig the side effects. I know this is controversial, so I’ll stay there for now. I’ve gone 20 years with very little medication and I’m hoping to go many more without them.
(Update-I received a letter from my insurance company this afternoon. They went ahead and approved the MRI’s. So I don’t need to see the Dr to take them. So now I get to reschedule them for this week. I just want to see where things are with the lesions, which is why I’m so determined to get them)
The crappiest part of last week was realizing that with all the weakness I was experiencing , I canceled my dance/burlesque classes. I seriously cried that morning when I decided that waking up early and rushing to a train each Saturday morning was going to be hard on my already taxed system. As you probably read I was looking so forward to these classes. I couldn’t wait. But I knew I couldn’t do it until I was able to repair my system and my body.
I emailed the owner of the company and explained what was going on. I knew they didn’t offer refunds. So I figured I’d take some time to heal and take the class in the winter. She however emailed me back a couple hours later completely understanding and wished me good health, and said she would refund me immediately. And she did.
And for that I’m grateful. I felt like I gave up a dream when I canceled the class.
However, I’ve decided to get back to some basics and that starts with getting myself healthy , or rather stronger and then trying again once I can. Which I know with my determination won’t take long.
Over the last few years I think I gave up and just tried to get by. Now I know that’s not good enough. I can be either the most outgoing and determined, or the most complacent human being alive. For now I’m reverting to that determined part.
I want to work on the strength I had before this illness started kicking my ass a bit. I may have good days, I may have bad.
Stay with me.